“An insincere friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.” Buddha
Researchers agree friendships are the key to long-term emotional and physical health. But while there’s plenty of concern and conversation around romantic heartache, no one really talks about how devastating friendship breakups are. The feelings of loss and abandonment are just as real as any romantic breakup. And I think it’s about time we start talking about it, I feel when we lose a boyfriend/romantic partner people feel sorry for us however when we lose friends we tend not to talk about it as if we will somehow be judged, like its somehow our fault.
Over the last 12 months I have been ghosted and ghosted lots of suitors and by terrible first daters, pen pals, arseholes. Ghosting has become as normal as beans on toast or fish and chips. Once I have been ghosted I literally have no feels about it I simply deleted the messages and number from my phone and move on to my next swipe. It is a term I have accepted in modern dating, rightly or wrongly but its happened and I am pretty sure its not going to change anytime soon. Online dating has become like an all you eat of your favourite foods! Even the fussy eaters are catered for! Ghosting usually happens pretty early on before any attachment has been made so we don’t feel the need to really be sad about it.
However the new trend of being ghosted by a friend is soul destroying and shame on any woman that ghosts another woman! I mean we are all in this together. Now don’t get me wrong I am all for cutting out toxic friends from our lives, we all have or have had a toxic friend, but with these friends there tends to be a breaking point that makes you snap, leaving neither of you in any kind of grey area about the friendship being over or why its over. But what do you do when there seems to be no reason for what can’t even be a described as a fall out because nothing bad had happened? How is being ghosted by a friend even have become a thing!!
I remember times in primary school when a fight between friends ended in the silent treatment. Whether it was for a few minutes, several hours or even days, the “silent one” would refuse to acknowledge the person they were arguing with until that person apologised, regardless of whether they were actually wrong or not. Sometimes I was the silent one, and sometimes I was the silence. But it always felt pretty awful but you did it because you wanted the other kid to know you were upset.
Even as an adult, you occasionally have arguments with your friends. You disagree, you fight and maybe you don’t talk for a little while. More than likely, though, you move on. You call them, you text them, you talk about it, you laugh about it and, eventually, you let it go. Except when you don’t. Sometimes the silence becomes permanent and you lose a friend.
Recently I have been ghosted by a friend but not fully like I won’t reply to any of your messages or calls but I will keep you on my social accounts because for all intentional purposes I want to be nosy. Well no, hun! if you can’t reply to a message well still daily updating your social posts then sorry sister your arse is blocked! Now, this could be the hurt in me speaking but as a grown arse woman who is very capable of communicating it really frustrates me. This no ex-friend recently got a boyfriend then all of a certain vanished like Houdini! Now I am not trying to be an innocent victim in this, I realise I am not everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok but woman to woman at least say that.
I would say if you have been ghosted by a friend and are trying to get through it you will get through it. The next few months will see you go through the emotions in the same way as you would a romantic break up because at the end of the day you are mourning the loss of a relationship. Even worse you probably didn’t even see this coming, as women our female friendships are so important we usually tell our friends more than we tell our partners with some even being next to our sides through more life events!
So spend the next couple of months looking after yourself, be kind to yourself, do all the things you love doing.