“I think it’s good for a person to spend time alone. It gives them an opportunity to discover who they are and to figure out why they are always alone.” Amy Sedaris
I got my first boyfriend at 8 years old and I swear until the start of last year I have had a boyfriend or husband since! I have been single nearly 18 months now and I am slightly ashamed to say this is the longest I have ever been without a partner and I use the term partner loosely because I have never felt that I had a partner just guys in my life. Through every relationship, I have been in there have been long periods of time on my own, days out alone, serious appointments alone. In fact, most of my relationships have ended because I felt alone and there is no worse feeling in the world than sitting in a room with someone you are considering spending the rest of your life with and feeling lonely.
I am now at the point where I am actually alone but never feel it. I would be lying if I ever said there aren’t times when I feel lonely but it is never lonely for a partner its lonely for conversation and luckily for me, I have great friends. I don’t ever wish I had a boyfriend, if something wonderful happens in my life I write about it on here, I speak to family and celebrate with friends. If something bad happens in my life, then guess what I write about it on here, I speak to family and drink wine with friends.
The truth is being alone if done right can be an utterly wonderful experience, it gives us time to reflect, redirect and rediscover.
And I am not talking about the period straight after a break up where you fill your life with distractions. I am talking about the period after this when the distractions have run out and your life becomes your routine. It’s easy not to be lonely when you are distracted, well it’s easy to pretend you aren’t lonely. This doesn’t just go for partner either, toxic family members or friends can equally make you feel alone. Being surrounded by people doesn’t make you fulfilled nor unfortunately does it make you feel loved.
What you reflect on by time alone
- The past, end of relationships, friendships, careers.
- Who you are as a person now rather than who you were the last time you thought about it.
- Your next move! Whether it is a five-year plan or the next 5 days!
- Did you cause the problems or at least add to them?
- Are you where you want to be?
What you redirect by time alone
- Your energy
- Positive thoughts
- Self care
- Where you want to be
- Your time
- Finding new hobbies and interest.
- Looking after your health.
- Improving your career.
- Returning to study.
- Spending more time with friends and family.
What you rediscover by time alone
- What you actually love and not what you are excepted to love or do!
- Lost relationships with friends and family
- Time alone forces you to have a relationship with yourself, you rediscover self-love.
- What you actually want from people in your life.
- How strong you are.
Things to try alone!
- Cinema trip
- Tea and cake at a local cafe
- Meal out (if you are feeling brave)
- Weekend away
- New gym or fitness class
- Walk around a local park
- Road trip with no destination
“If you want to be happy, learn to be alone without being lonely. Learn that being alone does not mean being unhappy. The world is full of plenty of interesting and enjoyable things to do and people who can enrich your life.” Michael Josephson