“The only bad workout is the one that didn’t happen.”

So it has finally happened I have become that arsehole who is sprouting the new year new me bullshit!! I literally want to be sick in my mouth every time I open it to speak. However, the fact I am loathing myself so much for jumping on the January fitness bandwagon is actually spearing me on to be amazing and kick my inner losers voices arse!!! I mean I really do not want to prove myself right because that will suck and I will remember it every January for the rest of my life! So guys guess what, New Year, New Me! My only saving grace is the fact that apparently most of us will break our resolutions by the 11th of January! Well it is currently the 12th and I am still going strong, in fact, I haven’t considered giving up once yet. Turns out I have discovered a strength inside me that I was clueless even excited.


But in my defence, there is a little more to my wanting to get my fitness back on track and watching my weight a little extra at the moment. ( and it’s not the fact that in the last 12 months I have gained 2 stone) but on Christmas day 2018 after 20 years, I had my last cigarette. Now I’m guessing most people didn’t know I smoked! A habit I have utterly loved for the past 20 years, I’m not trying to make smoking sound glamorous but my god did I love it. I have smoked 20 cigarettes every day for 20 years! That works out to be an incredible number of cigarettes, in fact, it is 146,000 cigarettes. And so many people go on about the money I will save, to be honest, I couldn’t care about the money nor would any smoker out there. Why don’t more people say congratulations you will be able to run further, food will taste different or even a well done. For some reason, non-smokers feel the need to still make you feel bad once you have said you don’t smoke anymore. Like we didn’t already know it’s bad for us!!
I think by the time this blog post goes out I will be on week 4 as a non-smoker!! Which isn’t long and I have a long way to go but I have started the journey so I am going to keep you all up to date! Because let’s face it you guys know everything about my life now!

Also before I move on, is there any other ex-smokers out there that once they quit everything smelt super strong?? Literally, everything smells so strong that it makes my stomach turn, for the first few days it really upset and freaked me out, a lot! I have smoked since I was 13/14 years old so as far as I knew, everything smelt like what I had thought! And now it seems I was wrong all this time!


So back to the fitness, other than the obvious benefits I have received since Christmas, like actually being able to breathe probably and smell correctly. I am slightly worried that not smoking will cause me to gain even more weight, currently, in the last 12 months, I have gained close to 2 stone. But it is all swinf=gs and roundabouts, I have also gained so much confidence with my fuller figure. Through my adult life, I have been everything from size 8-20 and am currently a size 12/14 and the sexiest I have ever felt. As you can see my stomach isn’t flat, my boobs have a slight sag and the bags under my eyes could carry a week’s worth of shopping.  But by god does my bum wiggle nicely when I walk! I wish I had this level of confidence 10 years ago. I also wish I could go back to my younger self and tell her not to waste so much time on the way I look, to enjoy the pizza, every bite. To speak kinder to myself and ruder to people that were rude to me.


The only thing I don’t like is that I am a bit wobbly, I just want to tone up all over, really, I am trying so hard right now not to get caught up in all the numbers. If you have followed me for a while you will have read about all my problems with body dysmorphia and living with that struggle. This time I am determined not to get caught up in counting steps and calories, I am purely doing this for health and not appearance.

What I want is to have a slightly flatter stomach, bingo wings that don’t actually look like wings and thighs that don’t clap when I walk. That is what I want and I have no idea how to put a number on that anyway. I mean will all that happen if I lose 6lbs or 3 stone? Who the hell knows so how can people say “I just want to lose 1st to tone up”. How will you know that the number you need to lose will gain you what you want?

Because who the hell doesn’t love bullet points!!!

  • More more!
  • Eat less calories then I burn off!
  • Drink water!
  • Don’t light up again!
  • Have rest days!

Have you noticed that fitness is actually the easiest thing in the world on paper! Like the easiest but the one thing, we all seem to struggle with. I mean not one of the things above is difficult even together they aren’t difficult. Yey putting them into practice is a fucking nightmare!! I certainly know that I am not going to be perfect at this and I am 100% sure I will end up with some funny gym stories to share. I fully understand we can’t all look like those Instagram models that look like they were created from marble.

The truth is that I get tired which makes me lazy, I like a cheeky takeaway and I honestly don’t feel ashamed for it because these are the things that have created my body today and my body today is still healthy and still going strong!




  1. January 15, 2019 / 2:23 pm

    You are doing so well! It’s a lot of changes to make all at once, but yoirey such a bad a$$ that of course you can! I don’t make New Years resolutions, but I try not to talk down on people who do because I think success is all down to whether you are motivated, have the ability to execute them, and the timing is right. No matter the rime of year! But for some oeople, the clean slate of a new calendar just works.

    • forever1955
      January 15, 2019 / 8:40 pm

      This evening I was so upset that I wanted to eat my emotions so I ate grapes yes it does that’s why I love Mondays so much it is like a fresh start every 7 days!!

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