“Seduction isn’t making someone do what they don’t want to do; seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already.” Benjamin T. Russell
It seems like forever ago that I wrote about something that wasn’t a challenge, to be honest, my life has been so busy that I just haven’t had time to think about anything other than work, summer and sleep. However, just recently I have considered getting back on the dating horse although this though only lasts about an hour before I realise how underwhelmed and uninterested I really am with dating.
We now live in a culture where we can get sex easier than ordering a pizza and it will even get to your door quicker although probably much less satisfying. I am on Tinder and Bumble although my profile is rarely even public anymore because I seriously can’t go through the same cycle again. Swipe, match, 99% don’t even speak and even with that 1% that does talk. The conversation is hardly worth the effort. I would say in the last month I have spoken to ten different men, not one ended in a date. Granted I am awful at following dating rules and my brain to mouth filter rarely works the way it is supposed to. But the second that sex is mentioned I unmatch because come on guys lets leave a little mystery in the world.
One of the definitions of seduction……………
“In social science, seduction is the process of deliberately enticing a person to engage. The word seduction stems from Latin and means literally “to lead astray”. As a result, the term may have a positive or negative connotation. Famous seducers from history or legend include Lilith, Giacomo Casanova and the character Don Juan. Seduction, seen negatively, involves temptation and enticement, often sexual in nature, to lead someone astray into a behavioral choice they would not have made if they were not in a state of sexual arousal. Seen positively, seduction is a synonym for the act of charming someone — male or female — by an appeal to the senses, often with the goal of reducing unfounded fears and leading to their “sexual emancipation”.”
Now does any of that sound like you are getting seduced from a dick pic and wanna fuck message?!
Now I am not naive and realise that a lot of people are using the apps for just that but just put it in your bio like “not interested in small talk or any talk”. I hate that we feel the need to ask what we are looking for and that questions and answers that would normally take weeks to discover the need to be answered within the first hour before even meeting each other. What has happened to chemistry and the unknown?
Now I am not against sex or one night sides but at least the old fashioned way of meeting in a bar, having a laugh and some drinks before the utterly embarrassing walk of shame had some effort in it. You know you had to make more of an effort than “do you want to fuck” because believe me that shit doesn’t do anything to my lady garden! I mean if you just want that buy a drink, buy dinner, make a little bit of effort lets see if you can seduce me with more than just a dick picture.
I am not sure if I am just getting more fussy, bitter or generally just going to be alone forever. But over the last few months, I have decided that online dating just isn’t for me! Add to that I keep seeing Alex on them and the other day I saw my ex-husband, that’s right I have now done a full circle of men in a 25-mile radius. This is the longest in my life that I have ever been single and honestly, I am at the point where I can’t see what a man would bring to my life, well expect the sex (this post is quickly not making much sense and is just more me ranting than anything else) but even on days where I miss that I still want someone to fuck the shit out of my brains first and make the effort.
I miss the unknown of wondering if he will text or call. I miss men walking up to you and asking if they can buy me a drink. I hate the fact that ghosting even existing and realising he’s ghosting you because he swiped and found someone better. I have a few friends now that are turning their backs on online dating because the odd man that actually does arrange a date isn’t what you want or need! (man I am sounding bitter). As much as it actually kills me to write this, men are hunters and women want to be hunted that’s not me being anti-feminist that’s just millions of years of biology.
So here is to the old fashioned way of dating even if it takes years and only ends in getting the number 84 bus in last nights clothes. Do members of the opposite sex even talk in real life anymore? Maybe this is my next challenge, see if I can actually get a man to talk to me in real life. Wish me luck!