“Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you–all of the expectations, all of the beliefs–and becoming who you are.” – Rachel Naomi Remen
When something doesn’t go right for us we tend to start blaming ourselves, what we could have done differently. Could we have changed the outcome? The truth is we could have probably done somethings differently but punishing yourself, being at war with yourself is not going to change what has happened it will just change what could happen in the future. If you know you did something wrong or could have changed something then just put that to the back of your mind ready to remember in the future so you don’t find yourself in the same position. But for now and for the position you have found yourself in at this moment, you need to forgive yourself. We are all doing the best we can do, so forgive yourself quickly and keep moving forward.
Cut toxic people out!
There are some people that we know are toxic or at least we know do not add anything to our lives, in fact, all they do is take from us. These people are mentally exhausting and cause us more hurt then peace. These are the people we need to cut out, we need to completely remove from our lives. I know it seems a bit harsh but it is one of those situations where you must think about your happiness and be utterly selfish. You can’t really feel bad about letting go of someone that treats you like crap. You don’t have to be nasty you just have to let them go and move on.
This is by far the hardest one to master, learning to forgive others when there has been no apology is an absolute skill. However once mastered it will become your ultimate saviour. My favourite quote by far is “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. I learnt so early on to let things go and I can’t tell you how that has changed my life. I have been through a lot of negative things most of which happened to me, not because of me. That is something you need to think about, has the bad thing that broke you happened to you or because of you? If you can honestly say it happened to you then accept that you will never get an apology because if something/someone caused you pain then the chances are they had a reason, it may not be void to you or anyone else but to them, it will be void. And that is to do with their character not yours in the same way that how you chose to forgive them is to do if your character, not theirs. And if the thing that is causing you pain is your fault then you need to accept that there will be consequences and others will hurt because of your actions so be patient with them and forgive what was said in pain or hurt. None of this means you will ever be in each other’s lives but it does mean that moving forward will be a lot easier and there will be a less bitter taste in your mouth about the whole situation.
Take your time!
Healing takes time, I am not just talking about the stage you get to where you smile on the outside I am talking about real healing, the kind that makes your soul smile. Th kind of healing that when a name or the event is mentioned there is absolutely no reaction from yourself. This kind of healing could take years & years and change you in ways that you never thought possible but this kind of healing is also character building and will shape, change your core. At this moment is where personal growth lives.
Don’t do it alone!
Asking for help is a sign of strength, very few people can get through a bad situation without help from others whether that is friends or professional help. There is no shame in asking for help, in fact, you should be applauded for realising there is an issue. Check out yesterdays blog post for more about asking for help and accepting that not being ok is ok. It’s ok not to be ok.