“It can be scary to find out you’ve been wrong about something. But we can’t be afraid to change our minds, to accept that things are different, that they’ll never be the same, for better or for worse. We have to be willing to give up what we used to believe. The more we’re willing to accept what is and not what we thought, we’ll find ourselves exactly where we belong.” – Meredith Grey
Bu now some of you might have figured out that after a year me and Alex have decided to go our separate ways. Trying to be the better person I’m not going to go into the details of the break-up or the relationship. If you are not fully up to date with what can only be described as the worlds most tragic state of affairs, you can quickly catch up with why I thought he was the exception and not the rule, here.
Turns out I was wrong and he was actually just the rule the whole time and yes it hurts, yes I thought he was the one, yes I feel like an absolute loser but I also know I will get over it too. Until then I have the joy of going through the motions, going through the hurt and the tears. If you want to know how it feels you can read the truth about breakups, here.
Naturally this is a painful time for me, however, I’m just grateful that we boss up now instead of changing our hair because I bloody love my hair! I have never died of a broken heart and I am not about to either. I would never ever change who I am as a woman or how I choose to love, I am fully aware that sometimes I can be too much but I say FUCK THAT SHIT! I say love the shit out of everything and everyone, and if someone isn’t ready for that well don’t disturb their peace. I am the biggest believer in living this one life we get to the fullest because in the end there are only three questions that will matter….
- Did you live?
- Did you love, fully, honestly and deeply?
- Did you matter?
“Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me. God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth. The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me. What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love. That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on. Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.” – Steve Jobs from his deathbed
So I have quickly changed my 2018 plan and am going to concentrate on being a better, stronger woman than ever before and in the last ten days since all this happened I have booked a girls holiday, booked flights to Italy for my birthday and registered myself as a business. The past is something to learn from and experience but at 33 years old it is not something that is going to control me. I am going to continue to love the hell out of everything and strive to see the sunrise in as many counties as humanly possible because let’s face it no one at the end of their lives talks about how much they worked or stared at the same four walls. They talk about the kisses they stole, the nights that turned into days and the love they felt and when I am a little old lady I plan on telling the world about how happy I was and how much I loved the one life I was given.
So yes I am hurting and hurting a lot but I am not about to let it slow me down, nor am I going to turn my back on love or meeting someone new. Because if loving the wrong person can feel so good imagine how amazing loving the right person will feel. And I am positive that when I am doing my end of year round up on here I am will be a totally different place and Alex will be a distant memory of a once happy time.
So if you are going through what feels like the worst time in your life know that you are stronger then you think and happiness is really just around the corner but first, you have to get through the tears.
“One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today.” – Dale Carnegie