One of the things that I have learnt over the years is that sometimes you have to say no. You have to say no for you, you have to say no for your happiness and you have to say no because hell no you don’t even want to do tha thing.
We go from trying to please our parents to peer pressure at school. To pressure at work from actual work and from colleagues to trying to please our children. And while all this is going on we live in a society that tells us how we should be living. That’s a lot of pressure for even the broadest, strongest set of shoulders to burden. I am certainly not saying we are all helpless, robots just plodding along, but how many times have you done something that you simply just didn’t want to do?
How many times have you stayed an extra hour at work because they needed you and you couldn’t say no? How many times have you gone out despite not wanting to? How many times have you done something and not wanted to? And out of all these times that you have done something that you didn’t want to do, how many times did it leave you feeling unhappy?
I am not saying that some of them didn’t actually make you happy, I am sure on a couple of occasions you were pretty surprised but not after thinking to yourself I don’t want to do this! We tend to live in a world that makes us feel guilty about saying no, well I say “fuck off Sandra, you judgemental twat”
Learning to say no will increase your happiness a 100% because all of a sudden you are living your life and doing what you want. Believe me, it’s not easy and the first couple of times you say no, people will act wounded like you just killed their first born. We don’t stick around in unhappy relationships we don’t stay in touch with shitty friends, yet we do whatever someone we don’t even like asks us to do.
Instead of thinking of what will happen if you say no, try thinking of all the wonderful things that could happen by actually saying no. Could you be there to have dinner with your friends? Read the kids their bedtime story? or have midweek drinks with your partner. All of which will lead to a happier you.
You have to realise you are not responsible for everyone else, you are only responsible for yourself and your life. And this is something that is hard to overcome, you can be kind and still say no. Protecting your own happiness does not make you unkind or a bad person. If anything it will make the important people in your life happier too because there will be no more last minute cancellations, no more plan changing or disappointed faces. And surely that is the most important thing in the world because at the end of the day the people who you said no to won’t remember 10 years from now, hell they won’t remember ten minutes later. However people will remember who was there when they needed them to be, people will remember who came to their birthday, kids will remember the stories you read them and partners will remember the stories around the dinner table.
So stop worrying about what will happen by simply saying a two letter word out loud and start thinking about all the lovely memories you could be making.
Repeat after me……NO!