Okay calm yourself down, I’m sure there are some exceptions to the rule but I can guarantee you we all have that one friend who is absolutely crazy about a guy who they have been dating for months maybe even years. The dates are amazing, exciting and often end in the bedroom, the kind of dates anyone would be jealous of. The ones that seem too good to be true, everything about them seems to be perfect, he is everything you want in a man, he’s just not ready for the commitment stage and your friend has given you every reason under the god damn sun why, which usually go like this, but aren’t just limited to:-
- I don’t want to hurt you
- Work is insane at the moment
- I’m having family or friends issues
- I have been hurt before.
Now all seem like real reasons but are absolute bullsh*t! And I just don’t get it, what the hell is the point why don’t they just say ” I’m only looking for something casual when it suits “. Do all men really think that all women are crazy, that we just want to find a husband and make babies? When really all we want to know is where we stand.
Now you might think I’m being a little rash but in truth meeting someone is meant to be exciting and leave you feeling like you want to throw up from butterflies. You are meant to want to spend all your time with them, you are meant to want to hold them and never let go. You want to spend every second of the day with them, it’s called falling in love because it’s supposed to feel like falling, hard and fast. And it doesn’t matter how old you are, when those butterflies hit, your actions do not make sense, your feelings and emotions get turned around in every direction. After all chemistry is just that a chemical reaction, and I never remember chemistry being clean and neat. And if you think I’m dreaming and that doesn’t happen in real life, believe me it does, you just have to learn to let go and fall.
Now the guy that won’t commit, believe me I know all about this guy because as I’m writing this post I am stuck in exactly this cycle, hopefully by time it is published I have broke free. The problem I am having is when we are together it is perfect, it feels like a relationship, he acts like it’s a relationship. However when I bring up the C word, the list comes out and that wouldn’t be so bad if the reason stayed the same unfortunately every time there is a different reason a new obstacle.
So if it feels like a relationship and it looks like a relationship you might be wondering what the problem is, the problem is when we are not together it feels like I’m being held emotionally hostage by the dating police. As far as I’m aware we are exclusive but we are not a couple, but we are more than dating his words not mine! I point out that we are only dating which causes more problems. Now this might be perfectly normal for some women in fact they might even enjoy it. I on the other hand absolutely hate it, except when we are together, then I forget all about it. The problem with this kind of non-relationship is that you aren’t together very often, which leaves you in this awful Nomansland.
Basically my week goes as follows I see him, love him and I’m very happy, I spend a couple of days living in my little happiness bubble, continued by two days of wanting to end it and never wanting to see him again because we aren’t anything more than just dating. Followed again by two days of excitement about seeing him again. On top of that I have no idea about dating let alone about the seeing someone phase. Can you discuss problems with them? Can you ring them at 2am crying? How do you introduce yourself? Can you talk about feelings? Can you ever really let your guard down? I told you this is absolute bullsh*t?
The real problem is I want more I want ridiculous heart pounding out of chest, world wind romance and a love as deep as the ocean. This is not a fact that I’ve hidden either, I was honest and straight from our first date. And if I was clutching at straws I could say he just wants to go slow. Listen ladies there is a very big difference between going slow and going nowhere and if I’m truly honest with myself we are going nowhere and despite the lack labels it hurts exactly the same as if we had a label.
I do believe I’m special after all I am the only one of me, I’m the only person in the whole world that looks like me and feels like me. And just because one person doesn’t feel strongly enough about me doesn’t mean absolutely anything, it doesn’t make him a bad guy nor does it mean there is anything wrong with me the problem comes when I’m not true to myself about what I want. I don’t want to continue in the seeing someone the phase ( I knew a woman who was stuck there for two years living in hope that he would finally commit, eventually he did after only a month with another woman. ) when really I want someone who embraces me and kisses away any pain. This phrase is bullsh*t because it’s not what I want and that’s okay sometimes you can love someone and it doesn’t work and that’s okay because you can take what you’ve learnt and carry that love with you.
And of course there’s always a chance I have got this all wrong and he is in fact the exception to the rule and if that is the case he will appear back in my life unable to live without me, heart pounding out of his chest. And if I am right then in the end I made the right decision and saved myself time and energy.