The one thing I have learnt whilst dating is that I am not cool enough to be dating!!! And I don’t mean in a “I am really cool but it’s much cuter to say I am not” way, I mean I am totally awkward, can’t get my words out and I am using all my brainpower not to fall over, way.
I have spent the last two decades watching every chick flick ever made, I still use sex and the city as my dating bible. I mean I could tell you what cute outfit to wear for each date and teach you how to play with your hair while he is looking at you from across the room. I could probably even give you a 100 cute little antidotes and jokes to tell him, to guarantee he’ll fall head over heels, heart pounding out of his chest in love with you. Unfortunately I am bloody awful at it and even worse at taking my own advice, I end up looking like a crazy cat lady who has been dragged through a hedge backwards. If I attempt to play with my hair my watch gets caught in it and the only words that leave my mouth are “I like cake” and “are you going to finish that?” not to mention the only thing that will be falling head over heels is my drunk ass out of the taxi. And to add to my uncoolness the last time I dated the Spice Girls were number one and Britney still loved Justin. I am not even kidding my last couple of relationships were with friends, men I already knew.
The last time I dated I got ready to the backstreet boys playing on the radio and having to use an iron and a towel to straighten my hair, now if you are too young to have straightened your hair with a actual iron then catching your forehead with your GHDs is a walk in the park compared to slipping with a iron whilst you are bent over the ironing board.
Basically I know nothing about dating except that I don’t care about impressing someone else, clearly I’m impressed either if I manage to leave my house without a major incident. There is definitely a massive shift in the way you date between your 20s and 30s, in my twenties I was all about impressing my dates, I would spend days getting ready and spend the whole date pretending to be someone much cooler. In my twenties I was all about the fun and not at all bothered if the guy was the right one or not. I never gave much thought about “our future” and I certainly wasn’t confident enough to be myself which in the end always meant passing time with the wrong guys. Usually these guys would have a motorbike, tattoos, smoke, swear too much and in general just be selfish pricks, actually my taste in men hasn’t changed much in the last decade.
Fast forward to my thirties and dating is a whole different ball game not just for me, but there are different stages now and they are different for everybody. Dating in my thirties is no longer about impressing anyone but myself of course I still get dressed up and do my make up with extra care, I still want my date to look at me with a cheeky glint in his eye. There is nothing worse than a date telling you that you remind them of their mother, sister or dog!! I feel so much more confident and in control, as I turned thirty there was a massive change in how I felt about myself and what I wanted, although I still listen to the backstreet boys as I’m getting ready, now I’m in my thirties I know exactly what I want and I won’t settle for anything less.
However the dating world is much more different then when I started dating, before there was just a few dates and you were either a couple or not, now there is a scary minefield of a ground where you are “seeing someone” no labels just extended dating, it feels a bit like I am being held emotionally hostage by the dating police. What the hell does “seeing someone” even mean?! I live in constant fear that someone will mistake me as a girlfriend and there having to be a awkward conversation about how we are just seeing each other. Granted on paper it is a good stage to have, it gives you time to decide whether there is a future without any of the mess, logistically it is an absolute nightmare. How do you introduce yourself? as a friend? can you express your feelings? can you show them your worst habits? And that’s just some of the many thoughts I have on a daily basis, I told you I wasn’t cool enough to be dating. It would seem all you can actually do whilst dating is be yourself, every part of yourself. There is no magic formula for the perfect date you just have to try and have fun and enjoy the moment because a cute outfit and pre-thought out funny stories don’t work if you are on a date with the wrong guy and won’t be needed if you are on a date with the one.
I am not cool in any aspect of my life and I’m definitely not cool enough to be dating but it is who I am and I like me. I would totally take me out for dinner and drinks and as you get older that’s all that matters in fact that sounds like a better date than some I have been on, including a first date where a guy told me he shared a bed with his mother and when she had a one night stand he would sleep in his car, not only was there never a second date but I didn’t even finish the first one.