Welcome to a new section of my blog where I will be talking about issues that I feel are important and that I just want to share my opinions on and stories about. I have been through every horrific thing that a human being can/should go through from rape to miscarriage, domestic violence to drug abuse and I still wake up every single day with a smile on my face because these are things that happened to me, not because of me. I have no hate towards anyone who hurt me, I am a firm believer in forgiving people because its good for your own soul. Right i’m going off topic, I will eventally get round to telling you everything about my life but first lets talk about body shaming.
My whole life I have been body shamed, from as far back as I can remember. I was an overweight child and the first actual body shaming came from my own mother who would repeatedly call me a fat cow and I guess this was about the same time as I started high school. Now I remember everything about my mother bullying me, I guess because it was so aggressive from one person. During high school I never felt that I was builled and I never went home crying but my appearance was the butt of jokes probably everyday. I was taller than all the girls in my year, I was a good two or three stone heavier than I should have been, I wore glasses and had frizzy hair ( there was no hope for me in high school ). Through my late teens and my entrie twenties I yo yo dieted, I changed my hairstyle every couple of months, switched between glasses and contacts, wore my make up differently and everyday for as long as I can remember someone has made a comment on the way I look!!!
So not every comment was said in a hurtful way but some comments are hurtful regardless, my favourite and the one I get most angry about is after you lose weight and so many people tell you ‘you look so much better’ better than what?????? For some reason when you lose weight it becomes socially acceptable to tell you that they thought you were fat/ugly/in need of a diet! Regardless of how someone looks on the outside their feelings are still exactly the same and those comments are hurtful and unnecessary. If someone looks nice just say ‘you look nice ‘. You might think I am overreacting with this but honestly it leaves you questioning the way you look and then the if I lose more weight will they think I look even better thoughts start to creep in, and that can be very bad and damaging.
When most people think about body shaming they think of the too big / too thin debate but surly body shaming is a much bigger area. I would say any negative body comment is body shaming from height, hair to tattoos. Don’t get me wrong there are absolutely some times when appearance needs to be addressed for example when you have actual real concern that someone that you love is damaging their health specially with a eating disorders but please get some professional help in regards to bringing the subject up because where you think you might be helping you could actually be making the situation worse ( i’m terrible about putting my foot in my mouth and saying the first thing that comes to my head ).
Body shaming has played such a big part in my whole life and now that i’m in my thirites I can really see the damage it has done to my mental health. 99% of the time if someone calls me beautiful I think they are playing a joke on me or the fact that I am now suffering with body dysmorphia. These issues come from other people pointing out our differences and calling them flaws! They are not flaws they are what make us unique, there is asolutelyb no way that we will all look the same. I am 6ft and a size 10 which is the same as my closet friend, but even clothed stood beside each other we look totally different, we have different weights and measurements, i’m all torso, shes all legs, we are both totally unique but we are no more or less beautiful than someone who is 5ft and size 16 and we certainly have insecurities.
We need to create a culture in where its the norm to compliment each other daily and magnify our differences instead of making people feel bad about the way they look or lend them to question themselves. I will never forget being stopped while shopping over the summer by a middle aged man just so he could tell me ‘those tattoos make you look really ugly! my reply ‘ Its not tattoos that make a person ugly ‘
And because its Monday and we need to spread a little joy and love, why not tell five people something positive, you don’t have to walk up to someone and declare they are the most beautiful creature to ever walk the planet ( unless you believe that, then tell them ). Lets start small with ‘ your hair is really nice ‘, ‘ I like your make up ‘ or ‘ your outfit is amazing ‘. All three of these will leave them with a little smile and will remember the nice person who made their day.
So this post didn’t end up going in the direction I thought it would and became a whole lot more personal than I expected to but I hope you get where I was coming from and what I was trying to say with it, please let me know what you think and if you want more facts and less of my stories or if you liked it.