Let’s talk // Talking

Let’s talk // Talking

There are certain times in your live when you really have to stop and check your mental health, you need to look at all aspects of your life and see if they are all positive and helping you reach your goals. And I have been using my post break up time to revaluate my life and look at the areas that I need to change to help me grow. For a long time I have been suffering with low self-esteem, usually I can manage it and act more confident than I am, and this is the area of my life I want to work on the most. Just recently I have noticed that it’s stopping me from going out and meeting new people, and if I do have to go out I end up leaving early on the edge of a panic attack. This is an issue I have had for many years but never did anything about because I always thought it could be worse and in all honestly I had no idea to where to go and I certainly had no idea how to ask for help. I felt too silly to go to my doctors about it, but wanting to move forward and build a better life for myself I finally asked for help.
And last week I went for my first counselling session, which I found through work ( and you can find through your own doctors surgery ). I spent the whole day working myself up about the appointment, worried that I would get in the room and say something wrong or just say nothing at all. A big part of me felt stupid for not being able to cope on my own and asking for help, I always thought being strong was best quality. But what I’ve learnt is that it takes a great strength to ask for help, there is nothing easy or simple about asking for help and if you know you need some help which at some point in our lives we all will need then why not have it. I feel like mental health is still seen as something that should never be spoke about, I can’t tell you the number of people that have told me that I don’t need help I just need to pull myself together. And I have absolute no shame in saying actually I do need help, I need help with my mental health because I’m not coping so well at the moment and I will not be made to feel guilty or weak or less of a human being because I need that help. If I had broken my leg I would not just sit there and “pull myself together” I would get my bottom down to the local hospital and ask for help.
When I realised I needed to ask for help I know that medicines were not for me, but that is purely a personal choice and if my doctor felt that they were the only way for me I would probably take them but after I had exhausted all over options. Again only a personal choice because I just don’t like taking tablets, not even for a headache. I knew I wanted to just talk to someone, there is a lot of things that I have never told anyone and just wanted to tell someone, I just wanted to someone to listen to me.
My first counselling session was amazing, once I started talking I didn’t stop and also didn’t stop crying. Instantly I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulder and just being able to talk with someone was extremely comforting. The hour seemed to pass in seconds and I felt like there was so much left to say but once I stopped talking I realised how tired it had made me, in fact I was exhausted and very cold. It is going to take some time and a few more sessions but I feel extremely proud of myself for taking those first steps, and even happier to share the experience with all you. I will be forever a firm believer in the fact that mental health issues need to spoke about and the shame needs to be taken away from the subject because looking after yourself is a sign of self-love and although I felt silly about going and talking to a stranger there was nothing silly about taking positive steps to a better more self-confidence life.  I don’t know what will happen after my sessions finish ( I get six hours with the NHS ) but I am hoping that I will be put in the right direction for the next part of the journey.
After all a problem shared is a problem halved!

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