Squats, tears & body dysmorthia

Squats, tears & body dysmorthia

So you might have noticed that lately my fitness posts have been all over the place so I thought it was about time I addressed this with you all, because without all the positive happy comments I get from you there is absolutely no way I would have got as far as I have done without you.

I have thought long and hard about whether or not to share this with you but then I remembered that I started writing about my fitness journey because I wanted people to know the truth and fitness. I wanted to give a honest picture of the ups and downs, the times I was doing well and the times that my diet went out of the window. I wanted a honest picture of what it’s really like to lose a lot of weight for the average person, I think we live in a world where there is so many social media accounts that just portray beautiful people transforming themselves overnight into avocado eating, yoga posing, cleaning living beauties with washboard abs and for the average person it’s just not like that, it’s hard and there’s times you want to give up and eat a small village but please don’t, keep going because you deserve to be healthy.

So here goes, my posts have been a little all over the place because in all honesty I have lost every bit of motivation I had for diet and exercise, I have used every excuse in the last four weeks to not go the gym, in fact I’m pretty sure I’ve only gone a few times and when I’m not exercising I don’t eat as well as I should. And I know I should go because my health is important and at the same time I’m trying to block out all the negative body images I have about myself. The truth is its hard and I’m struggling, I want to exercise and eat well but  the same time I don’t want to be where I was, in a place where I was being extremely negative and hard on myself.

As you might know if you have read my blog from the start of my fitness journey I have lost 7 stone in weight ( if you haven’t you can see some old pictures of me here ) after years of yo yo dieting, unfortunately I have been left with extra skin around my stomach. So about six months ago after finally having enough of punishing myself about it and with some encouragement from friends and family I went to my GP about it, who referred me to a plastic surgeon. And everyone I have spoke to about this has basically told me I look great and am being ridiculous but the truth is having it has destroyed my self esteem and self confidence, it has been part of my life now for a good 15 years, that’s 15 years of self hate and basically punishing myself for something that started in my childhood. I went up a stone for every year I was alive so by the time I was 13 years old I weighed 13 stone and this has played a massive role in how I see myself today. So getting back to the surgeon, I finally got a appointment and met him the other day, imagine all your hopes and dreams resting in the hands of a stranger and to say I have spent the last two days crying is a understatement. We spoke and he looked and he believes there isn’t enough skin to have it removed in a normal way but was very concerned about how I see myself as apparently it is clear to him that I am struggling with body dysmorpha and has now referred me to a mental health specialist. I am scared by this, I have known all along that some of my issues were mental health related but not to the extent that they could be.

This has given me the wake up call I have needed to get back on track with my diet and exercise not just for the physical side but for the mental health side too, I need to get my eating clean back on track because I need to look after my health but I also need some exercise because it honestly makes me feel better and moving forward with my weekly fitness blog posts I want to include the mental health side because I know there is so many people in the same boat as me who don’t love themselves in the way they should, or don’t see how beautiful they truly are and for anyone who wants to lose a lot of weight I beg you to seek advice from your GP because it’s so important that your mental health changes and the same rate as your physical health. So I’m excited about moving forward now and nervous about meeting another specialist but I know it’s important for me and my friends and family to be the best, healthiest version of myself because life really is too short not to see how beautiful we all are.

Ok that was a lot to take in and I’m sure that was some serious over sharing but I think talking about mental health is something we should all be able to shout about from the rooftops because so many people are going untreated and suffering in silence because it’s not talked about enough, so let’s talk about it.

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  1. September 9, 2016 / 2:48 pm

    Oh sweetie. If there is anything, ANYTHING, that I can do to help you, if you need to talk, or need someone to just listen, I am always available. I know we are not close in distance nor have we known each other for all that long, but I do think of you highly and I am so grateful that our paths crossed and I discovered your lovely blog and made a lovely friend in the process.
    Take care of yourself Emma, I think you are beautiful, amazing and a truly precious person xxx

    • September 12, 2016 / 8:20 pm

      Thank you so much beautiful, you are so incredibly sweet and kind and its an absolute pleasure to have you in my life xxxxx

  2. September 15, 2016 / 2:00 am

    <3 thank you Emma, that means so much to me. Thank you for brightening my day (well, evening actually, but at least I can go to sleep now feeling happy and very lucky!) xxxx

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